Uncomfortable reality

Growing up in India I was exposed to a different type of classification, the caste system which was undeniably related to social and economic classification. We were not wealthy …hell we could barely afford to buy a colored television, but we had a maid. I cannot remember my childhood without our maid, but it is not because she raised me, it was because she was there every day cleaning and she was a constant reminder of where my family stood in our society. I became quickly aware of how I should act around her based on how my grandmother, who raised me acted around her, but I never felt any superior to her. My heart would skip when I saw her sweeping or washing dishes and I never knew why until I came to America, it was guilt. Because of her presence in my life, I never noticed the difference between me and other kids who very well could have been ten times as wealthier and more privileged as I.

I cringe when I think about the fact that as a five year old girl I had a grown woman doing chores for me. I realized the true difference between our maid and I when I was asked a question about how my family is doing when I was standing next to our maid. I spent the most confusing 30 seconds looking at our maid and my neighbor wondering why in god’s name was this man asking me and not the adult holding my hand. I gave him an uncomfortable shrug and he left giving me a wave and a strange curt nod to our maid. From that moment on, I knew people my family mingled with though I was fit to have adult conversations than my maid. The funny thing was, our maid was the only person to have a child like conversations with me. My grandma thought I should act mature like my mom at the age of five and my grandpa had lost his ability to hold conversations years before I was born and I had no siblings, so occasionally, our maid was my companion….if a handful of dialogues all of which I can still remember counts. I guess being removed from that environment has provided me so many perspective of my childhood and it has helped me gain an idea of what kind of a person I want to be. I am proud of myself for having great respect for life and humanity, but I can and never will forget the people and the attitudes of my childhood. This particular aspect of my past reminds me of Stuart Hall’s classification claims and his belief that those in power will always try to maintain the status quo, because no matter how much my grandma considered herself superior to our maid, she gave her infrequent raises, gifts and reminded her of it later. I cannot deny my past, but I am now fully aware of the space between people created by social statuses and I am not quite sure how to close the gap when other people are not aware of it.