Divorce, Divorce, and MORE Divorce

I was in the sixth grade when my parents sat me down for that famous conversation. They told me that they were not getting divorced, but rather they were just "temporarily living separately".

I didn't really understand the impact this was going to have on me, and since my half siblings (from my mother's first marriage) seemed to be completely normal post parental divorce, I assumed this was a meaningless event. But my half siblings were much older than me and shit was about to get rather complicated.

After breaking the news to me, my parents picked a date some six months away. This date would yield their final verdict: move back in together or divorce. Until then, I would have to cope.

It didn't take long for me to experience the effects of a divorce (or a simulated one). I became a possession, fought over between two seemingly different people. All the images of my cheery childhood family gathered in our living room were slowly fading from my mind. In addition, my half siblings had gone to college and I was left alone in this mud of a marriage.

Six months passed and I eventually learned that these "verdict days" were completely made up. In fact, my parents didn't make up their minds for six years, when they finally signed the divorce papers. By then, I was in high school and didn't really care anymore.

I've since talked with my half sister about her experience with my mother's first divorce and my experience with her second. We both realized that divorce had a great psychological effect on both of us. In addition to our own divorced parents, the majority of our friend's parents were divorced. It was everywhere.

My half sister is now getting married in two months. I will explain why this is such a big deal: culture typically influences into thinking that the girl is usually the person in a relationship with marriageitis, but in my half sister's relationship, it was just the opposite. She has been with the same man for close to seven years and he's been ready for marriage since year three (not to mention they are absolutely perfect for each other). But my half sister was conditioned to be skeptical and careful with making commitments after experiencing so many failed ones in her childhood. She finally gave in, but I know she still holds her doubts. How can she not?

I am similarly conditioned. Indeed, I am young still, and if I am getting married, it is still a few years away, but the effects of divorce will always be with me. When I meet someone who claims to have happily married parents for __ years, I tend to laugh in their face. It's not even humorous; it's just that shocking to me. When I am asked if I want to have kids, I stress out pretty hard. The idea isn't stressful; I just fear putting them through what I went through.

In the end, I wouldn't go as far as to say divorce has turned me into an absolute pessimist, but it has inevitably shaped my views on marriage and long-term commitments in a very negative way. I'm sure there are many of you out there who can relate.